


Loving Me Is Complicated

by The_Readers_Writer



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Finn Needs A Hug, Finnrey, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I really feel like there should be more of these, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Shoulder to Cry On, finn is so good, pregnant rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 19:17:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8257367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Readers_Writer/pseuds/The_Readers_Writer
Summary: With the knowledge of their first child on the way, Finn and Rey couldn't be more ecstatic. But as time passes on, Finn begins to worry that he won't be a good enough father, husband, protector, and provider. But then Rey comes in and saves the day, by reminding him what a truly wonderful, loving, and kind person he is. And that he should have no doubts in his mind.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooooo here's the thing....I promise to upload my 'Blood Bag' story soon, things have been a bit crazy for me lately. But I've missed Finnrey Friday yet again, for the umpteenth time. So this is a practice for a one shot Finn and Rey story for Finnrey Friday. Please tell me what you think, flood this story with comments!!! Constructive criticism will only help me better my skills as a writer. And I want to make sure I can deliver a good Finnrey story come Friday, which is why of course I'm writing this. But anyways, y'all enjoy and I really really hope it's good:))
> 
> Oh and btw, DISCLAIMER: don't own anything

"And the villagers, sir?" Finn was in complete darkness. Blinded by the heavy weight of his storm trooper helmet that he could not see out of for some reason. Eyesight or not, he undoubtably knew Phasma's voice when he heard it. He could also hear the panicked gasps of the villagers she knew he was talking about. He could hear their heavy breathing, and even some crying towards where the crowd of people stood. Scared out of their minds as they had know idea what was about to happen. 

"Kill them." Finn heard again. Yet this time, it was not Phasma's voice. But the deep creature like voice, of Kylo Ren. He had just ordered Captain Phasma, to order her troops to take innocent lives. Numerous, innocent lives. Then, once the shoots started firing, Finn was granted with the return of his vision. Only he had wished it was gone forever, so he wouldn't have to see what was taking place right in front of him.

Men. Women. Children. Families. All being shot to death directly in front of him. Finn lowered his blaster and shook his head, wanting to cry. Needing to cry. How could he take the life of an innocent person? He didn't want to take the life of any person, but this, what was happening...it was just so wrong. So terrible and awful it made him want to vomit. 

After the firing stopped and all of the voices that were begging for their lives, begging for mercy, begging for anything, all went quiet, Finn looked over to his right and saw Kylo Ren walking back to the ship they had all gotten off. But then he stopped, turned his head, and looked directly at Finn. Even though he wore a mask, and even though Finn could not see his eyes, he knew he was looking at him. He could feel it. In his bones...in his blood. Kylo turned away and kept walking, revealing behind him the blaster shot that was fired by Poe Dameron that Kylo had frozen in place some how. Once Kylo was on the ship and out of sight, the blaster shot was released, and slammed right through Finn's heart.

After a bright white light exploded in front of his face, Finn gasped, eyes snapping open, breaking out in a cold sweat, but then realized it was only a dream. Or a memory really. A flashback to that awful night when he recieved his first assignment, and right then and there decided that he was not going to kill for the First Order. 

Finn felt as if he couldn't catch his breath. He took long, slow, and deep breaths to try to calm his troubled mind, and ease his anxiety. 'I'm not going to kill for them' he thought to himself. 'I didn't kill for them. I never will kill for them. That was a long time ago.' He took a couple more deep breaths, and tried as hard as he could to cling to reality. To dismiss what he had just saw in his dream as the past, which was behind him. 

Had it not been for the sight he saw when he flicked on the lamp next to his bed, Finn was sure he would've had a panic attack. 

There she laid, sound asleep, arm wrapped around his chest, and legs entangled in his. His Rey, his angel, and inside of her lay their unborn child. He looked down at her, and smiled. Feeling his troubles melt away from him. Nothing else in the world mattered when he looked at her. She was beatiful, and understood him. And above all she loved him, exactly for who he was, knowing all about his past. She looked at him like no one else in his life ever had. And if he could have her look at him like that one more time, he was sure he could die a happy man.

He advanced his view down further towards her stomach. He carefully and tenderly ran his hand across his wife's stomach, knowing that in the next three months, their child would be born. To be held and adored and loved by all. Finn could not have been happier when Rey told him the news.  
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"Finn" she said, after she sat him down on the edge of their bed. "I love you" she said confidently. "I love you with all my heart, and I just wanted you to know that." Finn took her hand in his. "I love you too. I love you so much. I really can't even think of how my life was before i met you...well before you hit me in the face with your quaterstaff that is" he said chuckling trying to lighten the mood. He knew something was weighing extremely heavily on her mind. "I love you Rey, with all that I have. Nothing will ever stop me from feeling the way I do about you." He lifted his hand to caress the side of her face. He noticed she started to blush, and her eyes looked like they were about to brim over with tears.

He offered her a soft smile and leaned in to kiss her lips. But before completely pulling away, he asked, "What is it Rey? What's wrong?" Rey said nothing. Only taking his hand from her face, and then placing it on her stomach. Finn's eyes shot open, and his mouth dropped. "You're....I'm gonna?? I mean, 'we're' gonna be?!" He said, his brain racing too fast for him to complete one thought. 

Finn stood up from the bed immediately picking Rey up with him. Pulling her into an embrace, and spinning her around. Once he sat her back down he still didn't let her go. Rey balled the material from his jacket up in his hand and pressed her face into his chest. She mumbled, "I was so worried what you would think." When Finn pulled back to face her, she realized that he had been crying tears of joy while he was spinning her around. "Why would I be anything but happy?" he whispered. Rey smiled at him before reaching her hand up and wiping his tears away with her thumb. He kissed Rey once more before dropping to his knees and placing a kiss to her stomach.  
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Finn tried to scoot off of what little space on the bed he had to claim as his own. Rey's half of the bed was completely unoccupied. This last month he had noticed that she couldn't sleep, or sleep comfortably anyway, unless she was snuggled up against him. He remembered her saying something about how cold she would get, or how her back would start hurting if she laid on the pillows instead of on him. Not that he was complaining at all. He would've given her anything she wanted. The entire bed if she asked, he would sleep on the floor just to make sure that she was comfortable and got a good night's sleep. 

Once he got one leg off of the bed, he felt Rey stir. She moved closer to him, and wrapped her arm tighter around his midsection, pressing her face firmly into his chest. When she moved her face, it was then that Finn had noticed that she had drooled on him a little bit. He laughed quietly to himself, not minding that in the slightest bit either. 

He gently moved her arm from around him and laid it down on the bed before replacing his body with a pillow, so her head wouldn't just drop down to the bed. He really hated waking her up. If she was ever wrapped around him like this and he had to go to the bathroom, or it was time for him to wake up, he always tried as carefully as he could not to wake her up. She needed rest now more than ever. 

Once he was free from her grasp, Rey's arm immediately went in search of Finn's body. While still asleep she patted the mattress trying to find him. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers before placing a delicate kiss on her nose. She reached up with her hand and touched his face, knowing even in her sleep that he was nearby. Finn carefully backed away to allow Rey to continue in her peaceful slumber. 

He walked into the refresher and splashed ice cold water on his face. He had tried and tried and tried as hard as he could to convince himself that he was not that person anymore. The one from his dream. The stormtrooper he used to be. But it just wasn't working. He'd often think to himself he'd never be a good person, even though, try as he may, did good things. For other people, and for the good of the galaxy. But he was never fully persuaded. 'And if I can't convince myself that I'm a good person' he often thought to himself, 'Then it must mean that I'm not a good person. And if that's the case, then I don't deserve Rey....or a family.' 

This fear had often crept up on him, more than a few times too. Fear of failure as a parent. Fear that he wouldn't be able to be all that Rey needed him to be, all that she deserved. 

Finn buried his face in his hands, unable to look at himself in the mirror. After all this time, he was still ashamed of himself. Rey deserved better than him. Their child deserved better than him. He could never figure out exactly what Rey saw in him that made him worthwhile to her. What made her choose him, stand with him...love him. 

Finn was pulled out of his thoughts by cold fingers making their way around his body, and resting on his firm chest. He removed his hands, and saw his wife's small hands wrapped around him. "Can't sleep?" she asked him. "I guess you could say that" Finn replied. He then felt Rey's smooth lips press into the scar on his back, which warmed his blood, and made him turn around to face her. 

"Could you sense a disturbance in the force?" he said rubbing her stomach again. She wrinkled up her nose and smirked at him. "Yes I could. But i also can't sleep without you" she said back quietly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up" he said looking down towards her stomach feeling guilty for having his wife be up and about at this ungodly hour. 

Rey placed her fingers underneath Finn's chin and brought his face up. Looking deep into his eyes she gently said, "Come back to bed my love, so you can tell me what's wrong." She turned on her heels, holding onto Finn's hand leading him back to their bed. 

Rey climbed into bed first, as Finn followed behind her. Not wanting to keep her awake any longer with his problems Finn was insistant that Rey go back to sleep, but she was having none of it. "What makes you think something is wrong?" he asked trying to change the subject. "Well as you said before" Rey began. "I felt a disturbance in the force. I can't sleep when you can't sleep because of our connection to the Force and to each other. So the sooner you tell me what's wrong, the sooner I can help with whatever it is that is bothering you, so I can go to sleep." 'Wow' Finn thought to himself. 'What a woman.' A no-nonscene woman....his woman.

He had thought about telling Rey about his doubts. But he didn't want to trouble her, or stress her out not even in the least bit. He also didn't want her to think that he didn't want the baby, or want to be with her, because of the way she was at first when she told him the news for the first time. But she could sense something was amiss. He also knew how stubborn she could be, and that she probably wouldn't let it go until he told her exactly what was bothering him.

"Well...." he began, looking down. She repeated her action that took place in the bathroom and forced his chin upwards so she could look him in the eye. 

"I'm scared Rey" was all he said at first. A long pause took place, because Rey knew he wasn't finished. She allowed him all the time he needed to get out whatever was bothering him. "I'm so scared. There are so many, 'what-ifs' you know? It's not like I grew up with a normal childhood, or with parents, or a family. I have no idea what I'm doing, and....I just....I don't want to let you down. And....I don't want to fail our child...my past...could make me fail." 

Even though she had brought his head up, he had slumped it right back down, unable to look at his wife.

Rey leaned up and kissed his forehead, then enveloped his head in an embrace. He placed his arms around her back as she placed several more kisses atop his head. She then sat back down on the bed and released him before saying, "Now you listen here" she had Finn's full attention now. 

"I don't know why you are punishing yourself like this. You are a good person Finn, even if you can't convence yourself of this, I know it in my heart to be true. There is no one in the galaxy I trust and love more than you. And if I felt any other way, I would not have allowed myself to be put in a situation where I would end up having your child." Finn was looking right at her. Knowing she meant every word she said. "I love you Finn...I really wish you would start loving yourself." Rey took Finn's hand in her own and held on to it tightly. 

"You're always there when I need you" she said lifting her hand up to run her fingers across the scar on his shoulder. Placed there by Kylo Ren's lightsaber. Evidence that he came back for her, that he was there when she needed him.

"And you've taken such good care of me, even though at first I wouldn't even let you!" Finn thought back to the earlier days when Rey had first found out that she was pregnant. She wouldn't let him open the door for her, wash her clothes for her, try to fix things in the Mellennium Falcon for her, anything. But eventually she became okay with the idea of him helping her out.

"Whenever I have morning sickness, you're always right there behind me holding my hair back, and ready to place a cool damp rag into my forehead. After that you carry me back to bed, and pull the covers up all around me. You didn't even mind that one time I threw up on you!" She exclaimed. "When my back or feet start to ache, I don't even have to say anything. You must be able to sense that I'm begining to feel uncomfortable, and jump at the opportunity to alleviate my discomfort." 

Finn hadn't really taken into account all of this, but apparently Rey had. To him, they were small and insignificant things that any husband would do for his wife.

"And let's not forget all of the times I've woken you up in the middle of the night with a weird craving." He smiled at that one. Remembering all the times he was shaken awake, and hearing Rey's voice asking, "Finn, are you awake? I can't sleep...were both hungry" she would say patting her stomach. Not even fully awake, Finn would stumble out of bed, through on his sweatpants and a shirt before asking Rey, "What are you in the mood for?"

"You even built our child's crib" she said softly. Finn looked over to the corner of the room where the crib resided, untouched. One day, he had decided to go out into the forest of D'Qar, gather up some wood, and bring it back to one of the work stations at the Ressistance Base. Once he was done, he brought it back to their quarters, wanting to throw a sheet over it so it could be a surprise for Rey. Only she walked in behind him, discovering it for herself before he had a chance to conceal it. Rey just stood there in awe. Tears filling up her eyes. "I wanted it to be a surprise for you" he said. "Ugh, I can't do anything right..." he said feeling defeated that things hadn't gone the way he planned, ruining the surprise for Rey. She slowly approached the crib he had made. Running her hand over the smoothed down edges. Admiring the craftmanship and little designs he had cut into the tiny little headboard their baby would soon be craddled in. "No..." she whispered, tears finally falling. "I love it. It's perfect." Her hand left the crib and went to Finn's cheek. "You're perfect" she cried to him. Even while she hormonal, and even while she was crying, Finn looked down at his beautiful wife and thought to himself, 'She's still glowing.'

"Well all that stuff is what any normal good person would do" Finn said to Rey. "Any normal 'what'?" she asked him. "Any normal good person" he repeated. She gave him a look, waiting for him to catch on. Then it dawned on him, he realized what he had just said. 'Any normal 'good' person.' He unknowingly reffered to himself as a good person.

"Exactly" Rey said taking his face in her hands. "Any normal 'good' person. And my husband is a good person, whether he believes it or not, I know that he is. He is a good, kind, strong, and sweet man. The best really. Sometimes I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve you." 

Finn smiled softly at all the praise his beloved wife was giving him. If he couldn't convence himself, she sure could. Maybe he wasn't as bad as he thought he was. Maybe he could live up to being a good father and husband. Maybe everthing would eventually end up being okay.

"Thank you Rey" he said leaning down to kiss her. She smiled back up at him, "You're welcome. Now, let's get some sleep, shall we?"

Finn kissed her once more before switching the lamp off, and snuggling behind Rey. He ran his hand over her stomach once more before whispering that he loved her and falling asleep.


End file.
